I haven't blogged in almost a week. I received feedback from a few people, and it wasn't good. Apparently, they find my blog depressing, distressing, sad...... and they usually look to me for humour, laughter, uplifting advice, and find my blog to be the complete opposite of what they perceive me to be.
Hmmmmmmm....... could it be that I am living a facade? Could it be that I portray somebody completely different when I am outside the confines of my house? Maybe, but I doubt it. I've generally been a happy person through-out my life. Upbeat, humorous, funny....... but sometimes life brings you stuff that you just cannot find the humour in......maybe that's what I'm up against now. I thought I was doing a good job of poking fun at my situation, at my Marjorie's situation. And when I say poking fun.... I mean absolutely NO disrespect to my Mother, none at all. Would she be horrified at the fact that I am writing about this disease and our journey through it? I don't know. I have asked myself that question many times as I write stuff here, and the answer I usually come to is this: "Mum would be horrified, if I were writing this stuff about her. Yes. She would, and I know this. But when I write about my Mum, its all good. When I write about Marjorie, the person that Mum has now become, as a result of Alzheimer's disease, I am writing about a complete stranger. That stranger just happens to look alot like my Mum, live with me, and I care for her."
So I hope that I have made my distinction between the two entities, Marjorie and Mum, very, very clear. They are two completely different people. My Mum is almost completely gone. Today, at this moment, I don't know if I'll ever see her again. I'm hoping I will, I'm almost sure that I will, but if I don't, I know that the last time I did, I told her I loved her, and that I would take care of her, and that I would keep her safe and sound. That all her kids loved her, all her grandchildren, and that everything was going to be just fine.
I'll do the same again, if I'm lucky enough to get a chance at it again.
Gee... maybe my critics are correct, this is sort of depressing. :)
peace out.
Ya can't you blog about the pillow.... that would make me laugh ........ not all the stuff about strokes and disease..... maybe the stuff about perfect health and blood pressure.... ya know where martin has to update his will cause he is the one who will be looking after her when he is 75 and she is 100 ....... look for the purple cookie ...... follow the purple brick road......
ReplyDeleteMy take: You need to keep writing; for both yourself and for your family.
ReplyDeleteI may be making a grand assumption here, but I suspect that you write in order to release the thoughts and frustrations that build up as you make your way through each day with Margorie. Am I correct? If so, then this isn't about critics and readers. This isn't about making us laugh or providing us with uplifting advice. This is, very simply, about you. About you living with your mom, her Alzheimer’s and all the pitfalls and chaos that this combination brings. Sometimes humour may be found on the fringe of all that, and if you can find it then I say “embrace it, share it and feel it” because, quite frankly, that is your best tool for getting through the rough patches. HOWEVER, for the most part, I believe that Alzheimer’s is an incredibly unkind disease with very little “funny” in it and I can see from your writing that it is frustrating and, at times, quite overwhelming for you. If writing this blog helps to ease either of those feelings, then you NEED to keep it up.
To be blunt, I do not come here to be humoured. I come here to read the truth about what you are experiencing and to maybe learn from that truth. So, don’t hold back on my account. Be honest, be truthful and share without restraint. Hopefully, in doing that you will also find some relief from what really is an incredibly heavy burden to bear.