What a ride this last few days has been. Now I could stand back and look at this in different ways.
1 way being that I'm suffering punishment for placing Mum in respite for 12 days. That this is my pennance for leaving her. I don't believe that for a minute. The way I see this is that I reeeeally needed a rest. Without these rests (which is why they call it respite, FOR THE CAREGIVERS), I would not be able to function at the level I am currently. I would not be able to provide the environment for Mum, that I do. And while we are talking about that, I provide a pretty amazing environment for her, this I know for sure and I am very proud of. So I refuse to blame the troubles we are having on my ever so prescious Respite care. Its a service I cannot live without. NOR SHOULD ANY CAREGIVER!!!!
So here we are on Day number 4. So many changes over the last few weeks. If you were to speak to me a year, or two ago, I would've told you that I was planning on caring for Mum until I was no longer able to do it. Sitting writing this, at this very moment, I am no longer able to care for her! This is a hard statement to say out loud. Next step is to get the wheels and motions moving to transfer her into a long-term care facility. Not for me, however, my plan is a bit different. I am makingthe commitment to care for her until she passes. I want her to be here, surrounded by family, and those who love her so that she knows, somehow in that jumbled brain of hers, that we did everything we possibly could, to make the last years of her life easy, comfy and safe.
Marjorie washed my blackberry and my netbook yesterday. Under the running tap, with soap a soap brush scrubber and all. She then placed them to dry on the drying rack. By the time I realized what she had done, it was too late. Was I mad? Freakin' right I was, but she thought she was helping as both gadgets WERE filthy. I took them and place them both in bags of rice. Rice is supposed to soak up all the excess water, so let's hope it works. This was followed by the river of shit, that happened later on yesterday. Thankfully, no one was hurt. Damage? well that is a long list of "stuff" that can ultimately be fixed or replaced. So not a complete loss in my books.
This Thursday, I am having a hospital bed delivered to my house. She is no longer able to be in a normal bed due to her wandering at nite. Last nite she was trying desperately to get outside, because she felt that she had to sweep the front porch which was covered in ice and snow from the storm.
So today is a new day. I will have a plumber and and electrician here today to assess the damage to the basement as well as my heating system and the floor in her bedroom. The addition of the hospital bed will aid in more prevention of her wandering, as I'll be able to get to her prior to her actually leaving the bed.
I guess what is weighing most heavily on my mind this morning, is the fact that My Mum cannot work the toilet properly anymore. She really has no idea how to use it, where the toilet paper goes, and how the whole flushing process works. More often than not, she asks me if she should go to the bathroom "in here" as she points to the shower.
It's happening, she is losing her abillities to understand basic, daily tasks and objects. I sit here watching this and I am constantly surprised and saddened at how fast she is progressing now. Its only a matter of time now. A matter of time till what ? you are probably asking? That is a question I cannot answer right now, but I'll certainly let you know as I go.
Same goes for the qustions "how long do you think she has?" All I can tell you is that we just opened the door to hospice care.....so now we are walking down that hallway.
peace out.
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