The Cave.

Good Day folks:

I am now trying to enter only once per week.   I don't want this blogging to become something I dread, so I am trying not to place too much emphasis and pressure on daily entries.  I have enough of that, I don't need to be adding to it with this.\

Mum is in respite this week.  I am currently holed away in my "cave".  That is the name I affectionately gave my bedroom.  It's my space.  Where I retreat for peace and quiet.   I have learned, as a caregiver, you need a space like this.  For me it's my bedroom.  I have black out blinds, my computer, a tv and my comfy bed.  It's a place where I go to seek quiet.  No voices, no social interraction, nobody wanting/needing or getting anything from me.   As the primary caregiver of a dementia patient, I find that solitude is one of my greatest wants.  Mum is always with me.  She is always needing me for something.  Food, security, bathroom issues, reassurance, asking repeated questions, guidance etc.   Mum is full-on, 24hr per day, 7 days per week.  I pull the blinds and make it extremely dark.  I get comfy in my bed and I either surf, watch TV or read.  The door is shut and locked, and I am safely away in my quiet zone.   Sometimes an hour up here does the trick, but right now, while Mum is away at respite, I am spending two whole days up here to regroup, recoupe, recharge and recover.   Kids are gone from 9am till 2pm.   That is the time I can spend here, for two whole days.  Then all my other responsibilities kick in and I have to get my ass in gear and get going.
As a caregiver, I highly recommend this.  It's not unheathly or anti-social ....  I don't look at it like that at all.  It's a way of recharging your batteries so that you can continue to care for your loved one, in a capacity that is successful and healthy.  And in my case, it is an essential part of me being both a decent mother/wife AND a caregiver.   Selfish?  Maybe.  But if you don't do it, recharge, you will ultimately burn out.   That is not good for anyone in this equation.

I miss my Mum.   I cannot wait to get her home again, but I am also enjoying my time alone......  in my cave.